In my lifetime, I’ve constantly been asked probably hundreds of dehumanizing and frustrating questions that have left me exhausted.
Here are just a few:
“I take pictures of cute Asian girls for my website. Can I take your picture?”
“What are you? Indonesian? Japanese? Korean? You can tell me what you are, right?”
“I’ve always wanted to have sex with an Asian girl. Good thing I found you.”
“Do Asian girls really have sideways pussies? Can I see?”
“You think you’re better than me, don’t you? All of you Asian bitches are the same.”
“I am so excited for you to have Asian babies with my son!”
When I talk about my experiences with white friends, they express disgust and shock as I tell my story or stories. They are sympathetic and listen intently to what I have to say.
They are appalled and dismayed by how I have to play into the stereotype of the polite, domestic, hospitable Asian woman so that my harassers will leave me alone so that I can escape.
Then, they say: “How could they do this to you? How could they say this to you?” and these are questions that have complicated answers. The relationship of Asian fetishization to white supremacy is rarely explored or explained but is present in every corner of the space it creates.
It is a relationship built on a foundation of war, colonization, dominance and control. It is systematically abusive, it is a force of erasure, and it is a way of maintaining an unequal balance that only benefits the oppressor.
The confusion of my white friends shows me just how much white supremacy, and whiteness in general, blinds white people to oppressive experiences and their consequences.
Fetishization is a way of control, in the case of dealing with me -- if you know me, you know I always am in control. There is nothing more annoying than, "You don't have an accent." "Can you speak Korean?"
No I don't and no, I don't know Korean. My dad, who is Korean, is 2nd generation and his Korean is even limited. I wasn't taught it as a child and as to why I don't have an accent? I was born and raised in San Francisco, and now live in Seattle.
That said, when you realize that it is time to give up control to a capable, strong woman, you can fine me here.
